


A Working Relationship With Drugs

by UnimpairedDreams



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Addiction, Alcoholism, Drugs, F/F, M/M, Sex, Triggers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-05
Updated: 2017-04-05
Packaged: 2018-09-28 13:31:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10104458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnimpairedDreams/pseuds/UnimpairedDreams
Summary: A 4 chapter flashback about Katya's history with drugs. Contains mild Trixya - TW DRUGS & ALCOHOL-Now new and improved with a bonus chapter coming soon(Part of "A Parallel Runiverse")





	1. Panic at the Drugstore

**Author's Note:**

> So welcome to chapter one. It's a prequel and the first part xx

{March 5th 2017}

Katya and her dearest Tracy where perusing the isles of the drugstore trying to find some decent numbing cream for the monster of a blister Trixie had acquired. They didn't know how she had gotten said blister but that, my friends is a story for another day. Ed sheerans new song 'save myself' came on and then began katyas interpretative dance with a pack of Advil in her hand. Arms flailing she stumbled for a second when she hear the softy whispered lyric 'life can get you down so I just numb the way if feels, drown it with a drink and out of date prescription pills' and it all went dark red. 

Now you see, panic attacks manifest themselves in many ways- rocking, crying, hyperventilating, black outs, manifestation of ones biggest fear but Katya's were always the same. She was trapped in a dark room where the walls were closing in on her. Trixie could always tell when katya entered one of these as she sat calmly in a small corner and seemed to almost quake with fear. Trixie also knew to leave the red clad woman alone for a minute or so to avoid the possible maiming of her beautiful face but after a 3 minutes and a weird stare katya hadn't opened her eyes.

{Sometime in the 2000's}

Her relationship with drugs had never been simple. A drug fuelled binge to avoid the never ending mental breakdown that took over her life. She didn't take them to hype her life - to build on the partying or help her enjoy the sex. Oh god no, she took them to enhance herself. Stay later & be less tired.

We can't just take energy from next week though and so it caught up with her. Methamphetamine can't hold you up forever. At some point you have to come crashing down.

She'll always find it hard to realise why she couldn't hold that life. Lack of money and all that. You can't just cure it.


	2. Drag Race can falter your mind.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if the tenses are badly written or if this is a bit terrible.

You've been sober for 2 years but counting days in here feels like you're a newbie again because yeah you're Katya Zamolodchikova but you're also Brian McCook and Brian isn't as strong as the blonde clad in red. Brian has been addicted to a lot of things, Nicotine, Sex, Alcohol, Meth, and Crack Cocaine; but now he's furling a rather delightful symbiotic relationship with his anxiety.

You see, when you're sat at a work bench in a room with only 2 walls and a group of girls you met 4 days ago, where you're time is measured by how many smoke breaks you take and you're skill is measured by how fast you can hot glue shit to your body, it's hard not to be engrossed in the panic in your head.

Cocaine can mess with your head. Meth can mess with your thoughts. Alcohol can mess with your body. Sex can fuck with your genitals (literally) – and, well anxiety fucks with everything. So trapped in a room with your new ‘friends’, you have time, as Brian instead of Katya, to deal with your issues. You haven’t dealt with your issues. Fame helped you through a bit of it, the sobriety and the day counting and the pain of your head hurting. I guess drag can’t fix a mind, or help one keep going.


	3. Your Pretty Plastic Rock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She's yours and you're hers and you're pretty sure you love her and you're pretty sure she loves you.

You don’t have to take drugs when you have Trixie Mattel. She’s her own brand of addiction that you’re not quite sure about yet but you’ll keep riding the wave until it breaks your heart; because that’s what addiction does, it breaks you.

With Trixie you don’t have to pretend you’re okay because, somehow, she knows how you feel before you do. Your plastic perfect Barbie doll is your support system. You clash so perfectly it should be a crime but you’re still in love so somehow it’s ok. 

You’re calmer when Trixie’s with you, you don’t feel the urges to drink or take the ounces of drugs you used to do by the hour. You still take smoke breaks but she accepts that, mostly. She doesn’t quite understand but you accept that like you would with any family member, because you love her and you think... You think she loves you.

You take smoke breaks when you need them and sometimes that frustrates her. Like when you’re halfway through an episode of UNhhh and you run out because you can’t help but be overwhelmed by the urges to put toxic chemicals through your airways. It’s not personal, it’s mental – and it’s a block you can’t quite shift. Christ you’re not that muscley. 

Trixie’s your rock – your plastic, perfect rock. She keeps you sane and without a shot in your hand you feel helpless so you keep her in your hands and that’s what keeps you going through the long after parties that tour puts you through. Shell come to all the shows she can, (she might as well stay on the bus with them) and then she’ll come to the parties just to stop your fretting. She’s yours and you’re hers. You love it.


	4. She smokes 20 packs a day and you can hear it in  her crying.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's lacklustre but its chill.

**_Addiction_**                                                                                                                               _/əˈdɪkʃ(ə)n/_                                                                                                                             1. The fact or condition of being to a particular substance or activity {March 5th 2017} Trixie approached Katya after 20 minutes of rocking. “Hey Katie,

**_{March 5th 2017}_ **

Trixie approached Katya after 20 minutes of rocking. “Hey Katie, Its Tracy... It’s your trixiebelle. It’s ok. I know you’re not going to do anything stupid. I love you Katya, c’mon baby.” Somehow, she coerced Katya out of the corner, the small crowd had left around 10 minutes ago and Trixie had successfully found some blister plaster for the monster blister that we’re still not going to talk about because lets be real, you don’t have time to read that. Katya buried her face into Trixie’s wig, gripping onto it and thanking god that it was pinned down by a million pins. Her breath was still heavy and wheezy

Katya buried her face into Trixie’s wig, gripping onto it and thanking god that it was pinned down by a million pins. Her breath was still heavy and wheezy a she cried onto her shoulder, making a dark pink splodge and a sound that can only be put down to the 20 packs a day she inhales like Trixie with her broccoli bits – and maybe Katya’s dick.

She straightened her back and stretched, wiped her streaky makeup on the sleeve of her faux fur dress and walked over to the doors, dragging Trixie and the blister pads, that her boyfriend had purchased while she was crying in a corner, out of the goddamn store and back outside.

_Before I love someone else, I’ve got to love myself._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is technically the last chapter but you get a bonus bc this was terrible.


End file.
